If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
