And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
