Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
