Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Are my feet made of real feet?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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