apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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