I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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