....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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