I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
