I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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