Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
