So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
