As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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