I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
