You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
