only if we run a train.
done.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
