where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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