I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
