theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
