He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
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Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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