YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
