I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize