all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
