I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
