I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
