Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
