Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
