She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
