I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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