i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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