i may or may not be watching the land before time
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
