so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
