...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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