i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Pooping to opera.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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