Four minutes until I can fart!
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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