Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
# Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.