I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS