pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.