Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?