I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
