Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
