I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
