She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
When are your genitals available?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
