what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I puked a lego.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
