dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize