i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
