So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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