do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
how drunk are you?
Several
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
