I wannas sexs uuuuu
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
