Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
