My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
