my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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