I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm sobbing to NWA
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
