My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
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please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
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I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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