Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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