end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
