There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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