what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
