The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
