Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
My feet surprised me
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
