If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
