the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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