The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
