I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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