So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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