The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Never underestimate the power of titties
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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